[warning - lots of sharing...]
so i'm sitting here in front of the computer...drinking a manhattan...kinda tired but in a good way cuz we just played some good basketball tonight...we lost but it was a close game and anyway the team that beat us was 2nd overall last season, and are just plain better...i feel good cuz we played a good game and kept it close and made them work for it...i only dove for one loose ball...that's ok too...not as young and all that...still it felt good to hit the dirt and mix it up and steal one on heart and hustle...(maybe i should change the name of this blog to heart, handbasket, hustle, highway to hell...?)...and i made two big shots tonight too...two daggers from the top of the key..."he's not a threat - don't worry about his shot" they said...eat it hot shot!...paul steps back to create space...catches and drills one right between the eyes of the defender...nuthin but net...next play...paul steps back to create space...catches and shoots to bulge the twine one more time...no back board...no iron...just nylon...swish...i think i hit one or two more shots as well, but i also made some deadly passes in traffic to cutters who dropped in easy baskets...just put the ball ever so slightly ahead of the defender...drop it right into pete's hands...and right over mark's shoulder...that's basketball. i had no turnovers tonight...another accomplishment...hit about half my shots...made good passes...really pushed the ball up the floor on offence...and of course i played tough d. i earned this manhattan...and the beer that came before it...
i've been listening to the newish springsteen album, "devils and dust". the title song is awesome. so is "long time coming". a few other ones are pretty good too. this album is no "nebraska", or "darkness on the edge of town"...probably not even a "tunnel of love" (which might be growing on me despite the fact that i don't even have it..."brilliant disguise" is pretty awesome...) there's a verse in "long time comin" that i just love...kinda almost makes me cry when i told sarah about it
"out 'neat the arms of cassiopeia
where the sword of orion sweeps
it me and you rosie, cracklin like crossed wires
and you breathin in your sleep
you breathin in your sleep
well there's just a spark of campfire burning
two kids in a sleeping bag beside
i reach neath your shirt, lay my hands across your belly
and feel another one kickin inside
i ain't gonna fuck it up this time"
even though i didn't know this song when he played it at the concert, it was still awesome. of course everybody cheered when he said "fuck" but it was more than that. it's just good guts kinda writing. fuckin a.
bunch of older springsteen is in my ipod these days too. i'm so glad he got signed or famous or whatever despite the problems with his early writing...meaning he's too wordy sometimes...but fuck that... there's so much guts there...and blood too...maybe it's kinda cliched to describe it that way, but it's almost like he made the cliche...maybe he inspired that kinda description first and then it got overused by people who were inspired by him looking for some of that for themselves...he's tricky sorta...one of the things i appreciate from the boss is how he writes about hope. it seems like he writes about hope as something to break yourself against. works for me. seems like that's "born to run" in a nutshell, but also "darkness on the edge of town". actually "born to run" reminds me of tom waits "blue valentine" more than any other album. "born to run" is the rock version of "blue valentine".
i'm looking to make changes these days. been on anti-depressants for 3 months now. it's a good band-aid. gives me space from the hopelessness that depression can throw at a person. space to look at the future. space to plan. space to worry productively. space to wonder about something better than where i came from and something even better for sarah and i ... a family and a life - not just a living... it's been helpful. going to counselling once a week too. learning more about what's going on in here. apparently post-traumatic stress disorder too...the result of having to be afraid as a child, and a teenager, of my father. lots of things have been explained that i hadn't put together. i'm working on emotional management (a lot of anger and anxiety, but i'm an emotional and passionate guy so there's more to it...). my emotions have gotten me in trouble a few times in the last 6 months or so. almost lost some things, but i'm getting another chance. (never had to worry about losing sarah cuz she's one in million, and the best thing in my life, and she's helping. god i love her...) i'm hoping to get into a mindfulness program too (uses yoga and meditation techniques to help people be more in tune, in the moment, more mindful and aware, thereby reducing stress and anxiety levels...i'll explain more as i venture down that road.)
also starting to get the ball rolling on the wedding plans. we haven't decided yet on the where, but so far we know that the ward island clubhouse is available. still gotta check on the algonquin island clubhouse/montessori school, and maybe even the sunnyside pavillion(?)... we'll see. it's almost hoping that only one will be available (the cheap one) and then we won't need to decide but we'll see.
i'm also big on this song by Old crow medecine show called "wagon wheel"
"headed down south to the land of hte pines
i been thumbin my way outta north caroline
starin up the road
pray to god i see headlights
i made it down the coast in 17 hours
pickin a bouquet of dogwood flowers
and i'm a-hopin for raleigh
i can see my baby tonight
so rock me mama like a wagon wheel
rock me mama any way you feel
hey mama rock me
rock me mama like the wind and the rain
rock me mama like a south bound train
hey mama rock me"
it's just good and easy and sad in a good way...
oh man i've been pretty emotional lately, (in an i-cry-easy kinda way...) maybe it's my man-period. leads to lots of sharing or something... sorry bout that. i actually feel ok about the world...
oh dear.... i guess i've finished my manhattan...ooooh and pat walsh was next on the playlist...
"so many visions of amazement and wonder
so many sides to this paradise
i look at you standing beneath the clouds that we're under
and say 'goddam don't you look nice'
walk with me through the parks and the playgrounds
follow me through all the buildings downtown
i wear my shoes made of broken bottles
you can live up or live it down"
gavin - i wish i coulda talked to jerome more about writing and where i find poetry these days...he asked me if i was still writing and there's always more to say to good people i guess
jen - when does your book come out? and i wish we could talk too about where to find poetry, or beauty or truth or something
anyway, it's kinda late for me on a wednesday and i played my guts out more or less on the basketball court tonight so i'm gonna crash out now. missing those who aren't close by. thinking of everyone. hoping for good things. (and no i'm not drunk or anything - i'm a happy drunk remember...)
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4 comments:
Every time I come to your site the incorrect link to herecomesthebrides is still there. If you hadn't added /bin to herecomesthebridges.blogspot.com I'd register that url and blog to it.
And because you added word verification I'm going to copy and paste all the blog spam I get to your site... enjoy :)
look closer toasted! it is fixed. ha ha.
and besides you can do your blogging at work, so perhaps you have time to spare for blog spam...
ahhh... but it's not.
Try clicking on the link yourself and you'll see what I mean. Being a professional nerd has its advatages, of course I am also constantly fixing other people's computers for free.... but that's another issue entirely.
yay - all fixed
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