tuesday night. 11:30pm. i am home from basketball. and i am drinking...oops...finishing my first beer. an export if you're wondering. i got a soft spot for the export really...or at least some sorta pseudo-anti-bourgeois...yeah it's bullshit. i just kinda like it. so there you fancy pants's. or something...
basketball was pretty awesome tonight actually. i wasn't looking for my shot so much cuz i was seeing the court really well and i threw some wicked steve nash passes - mark got a full court bullet that he dropped in behind all the defenders, gary got a sweet little drop off down low, same with saman, and i posted up long enough for boyd to cut hard to the hoop and fed him a perfect bounce pass right in stride and right into his hands on the way up to the basket... not that i didn't hit my share of hot shots...i was finishing around the basket with _my left_ all night, and dropped this great shot while getting hit. it was pretty cool. you'll just have to trust me.
we had a really nice weekend all round. friday night brook and mark and i went to the raptors game - first time just the 3 of us got to hang out for a long time. and it was a lot of fun. the game was kinda silly but also a lot of fun. the beers after the game were totally great too. saturday night was dinner with sarah's mom who cooks a mean turkey. it was just really great. and sunday we went to cambridge to visit my mom. first though we saw my grandparents and it was maybe the best visit we've had in about a year. my nan's got a new doctor who has completely straightened out her meds...by taking most of them away or drastically reducing them. and she's so much more alert and present now. we had such a good visit with them. they gave us our wedding present already. a whole lot of money. much more than i ever expected. it was very touching. made my heart kinda swell up...
and it was a good visit with my family too.
oh boy...i thought i had so much to say but i'm winding down real fast. i think i'll have to leave something to talk about some other time. good night.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Friday, April 07, 2006
more from "plowing the dark"
about william butler yeats
"...First of all you have to understand that the man was out of his fucking mind. Which is to say Irish. The country doesn't leave you much choice. He more or less had to look for another place to live.
--Mad Ireland hurt Yeats into poetry?
Yeah, actually... The man never found a place where he could put down and live in good conscience. A place where heart and head could sit at the same table. That was his Byzantium fantasy..."
this quote might be my favourite
"-Why is the math so hard?
--Which math?
-Perspective. Proportion. Depth
--Perspective? Perspective is easy. Just the visual cone turned inside out. Once the Italians got wind of Arab optics, the whole globe was up for grabs.
-Not that perspective, she said, harsh enough to surprise him. But he was alongside her in a flash. The most difficult man she knew was also among the smartest.
--Oh. Perspective. Knowing where you are?
She nodded. He scribbled with a number two pencil on a pad of blank canary legal paper. He drew her diagrams, space's irrefutable proof.
--If being alive were a single problem in long division - how to divide infinity by threescore and ten - we'd have a reasonable chance of solving existence. But the solution for seventy years misses catastrophically for thirty, because teh numerator is infinite. And those solutions, in turn, look nothing like the quotient for this year, this fiscal quarter, or today, let alone the next thirty minutes.
-We live between our next heartbeat and forever
--That's it. we are supposed to solve all the conflicting quotients at once. That is what makes...the math so hard."
that part about living between our next heartbeat and forever...i'd like to try to fit that into our wedding vows maybe...
so i've finished 'plowing the dark'... there's a lot going on in that book, and even though i wasn't thrilled with a couple parts it's still some heavy shit. definitely i recommend it, even if sarah didn't actually read it for class like she was supposed to...
"...First of all you have to understand that the man was out of his fucking mind. Which is to say Irish. The country doesn't leave you much choice. He more or less had to look for another place to live.
--Mad Ireland hurt Yeats into poetry?
Yeah, actually... The man never found a place where he could put down and live in good conscience. A place where heart and head could sit at the same table. That was his Byzantium fantasy..."
this quote might be my favourite
"-Why is the math so hard?
--Which math?
-Perspective. Proportion. Depth
--Perspective? Perspective is easy. Just the visual cone turned inside out. Once the Italians got wind of Arab optics, the whole globe was up for grabs.
-Not that perspective, she said, harsh enough to surprise him. But he was alongside her in a flash. The most difficult man she knew was also among the smartest.
--Oh. Perspective. Knowing where you are?
She nodded. He scribbled with a number two pencil on a pad of blank canary legal paper. He drew her diagrams, space's irrefutable proof.
--If being alive were a single problem in long division - how to divide infinity by threescore and ten - we'd have a reasonable chance of solving existence. But the solution for seventy years misses catastrophically for thirty, because teh numerator is infinite. And those solutions, in turn, look nothing like the quotient for this year, this fiscal quarter, or today, let alone the next thirty minutes.
-We live between our next heartbeat and forever
--That's it. we are supposed to solve all the conflicting quotients at once. That is what makes...the math so hard."
that part about living between our next heartbeat and forever...i'd like to try to fit that into our wedding vows maybe...
so i've finished 'plowing the dark'... there's a lot going on in that book, and even though i wasn't thrilled with a couple parts it's still some heavy shit. definitely i recommend it, even if sarah didn't actually read it for class like she was supposed to...
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
small excerpt
"An architect, half German, at least by family tradition, a man for whom the whole human race was a perpetual source of stress, whose Moses complex led him through a lifelong quest for peace that started with biofeedback and wended its way through est, yoga, crystals, acupressure, acupuncture, shiatsu, Rolfing, Alexander technique, ... and finally Prozac, sat paralysed, reeling in the real-time feed issuing from his workstation screen. Now and then, condemned to to participate, teh architect cried out to no one in particular, 'Oh god. This can't be happening. I can't process this. What in the hell is all this supposed to mean? What do these people think they're doing?'
This man's disheveled cellmate, an American who'd made it through the last twenty years on force of habit alone, a man whose Cold War existence came down to little more than the private contrition of forward motion, at last had to answer: 'God only knows what they think they're doing. But they seem to hitting that concrete wall with sledgehammers.'"
-Simon I think you'd like this book. lots of programming humour. although i think adam and michelle and nicole and jeff and kendra and ....there are reasons why i think this book should appeal to lots of folks actually...
This man's disheveled cellmate, an American who'd made it through the last twenty years on force of habit alone, a man whose Cold War existence came down to little more than the private contrition of forward motion, at last had to answer: 'God only knows what they think they're doing. But they seem to hitting that concrete wall with sledgehammers.'"
-Simon I think you'd like this book. lots of programming humour. although i think adam and michelle and nicole and jeff and kendra and ....there are reasons why i think this book should appeal to lots of folks actually...
plowing the dark
yup that's what i'm reading...(by richard powers) it's part of one of sarah's courses and she didn't actually finish it.
actually i'm on my lunch break and i had to stop reading cuz tears streaming down your face at work is...well...no i don't really care about that so much...it's the broken (breaking?) heart that has me worried for my performance for the rest of the afternoon...phew...yes i really really do recommend it. the book i mean. with a (melo)dramatic/epic/courageous title like that? of course i'm interested. and it's kind of our story too even though it's not quite...the eighties and nineties as historical events ...made me realize how little of substance i knew/know about tiennamin (sp?) square and the fall of the berlin wall...and those are the events in the book i remember - unlike the escalation/deterioration of lebanon and the bombings... hmm...are there history books about the eighties and nineties yet?
whatever.
tomorrow is officially one month since i started this job. yesterday was one month since my last post... not connected.
the job and the people here are really amazing. i'm very lucky actually. i don't buy into that it'll all work out/it happened for a reason shit but it makes a good story...
could be i'm overly emotional lately (and today) cuz i'm overtired. that time change thing really sucks. and then i played basketball last night - 4 on 4 for 2 hours with no subs... fucking glorious. early on i posted up and got a pass right down the heart of the lane which i turned into a pretty little baby hook shot...boyd and i hooked up on some gorgeous give and go, pass and cut and pass and drain the wide open jumpers...i also totally crashed full speed into a wall...but at least i kept the ball in bounds...ok that's enough for one lunch time.
you're all in my thoughts as i read this book and write this post.
actually i'm on my lunch break and i had to stop reading cuz tears streaming down your face at work is...well...no i don't really care about that so much...it's the broken (breaking?) heart that has me worried for my performance for the rest of the afternoon...phew...yes i really really do recommend it. the book i mean. with a (melo)dramatic/epic/courageous title like that? of course i'm interested. and it's kind of our story too even though it's not quite...the eighties and nineties as historical events ...made me realize how little of substance i knew/know about tiennamin (sp?) square and the fall of the berlin wall...and those are the events in the book i remember - unlike the escalation/deterioration of lebanon and the bombings... hmm...are there history books about the eighties and nineties yet?
whatever.
tomorrow is officially one month since i started this job. yesterday was one month since my last post... not connected.
the job and the people here are really amazing. i'm very lucky actually. i don't buy into that it'll all work out/it happened for a reason shit but it makes a good story...
could be i'm overly emotional lately (and today) cuz i'm overtired. that time change thing really sucks. and then i played basketball last night - 4 on 4 for 2 hours with no subs... fucking glorious. early on i posted up and got a pass right down the heart of the lane which i turned into a pretty little baby hook shot...boyd and i hooked up on some gorgeous give and go, pass and cut and pass and drain the wide open jumpers...i also totally crashed full speed into a wall...but at least i kept the ball in bounds...ok that's enough for one lunch time.
you're all in my thoughts as i read this book and write this post.
Monday, March 06, 2006
all the pretty horses
two things happened today
1 - started my new job...and i'm feeling pretty good about it so far. it feels do-able, despite my lack of existing qualifications (i have tons of potential though...)
i like the place too.
also i got to correct adam already...on my first day!!! just so y'all know - LTC refers to longitudinal time code, not linear time code...i don't think adam will soon forget...hmm...but after the public shaming my job might get harder...ok just laugh behind your hands...you too michelle
2- i finished "all the pretty horses". phew... kinda rough. i broke down a bunch of times reading this. beautiful in the way that shield rock can be. the main characters are cowboys from the first half of the 20th century. taciturn. delightfully archaicly polite. but words and gestures are made sherpas by the weight of everything they have to convey. it's heartbreaking kinda. and i actually really love the vernacular of old texas ranch hands. "good ol' boys" might be my favourite people...or maybe it means something more to me...maybe i'm loading meaning high and deep into a small phrase...do i project like all the time?
hmm...sighing now i guess...it was such a good book though. anybody wanna borrow it?
paul
1 - started my new job...and i'm feeling pretty good about it so far. it feels do-able, despite my lack of existing qualifications (i have tons of potential though...)
i like the place too.
also i got to correct adam already...on my first day!!! just so y'all know - LTC refers to longitudinal time code, not linear time code...i don't think adam will soon forget...hmm...but after the public shaming my job might get harder...ok just laugh behind your hands...you too michelle
2- i finished "all the pretty horses". phew... kinda rough. i broke down a bunch of times reading this. beautiful in the way that shield rock can be. the main characters are cowboys from the first half of the 20th century. taciturn. delightfully archaicly polite. but words and gestures are made sherpas by the weight of everything they have to convey. it's heartbreaking kinda. and i actually really love the vernacular of old texas ranch hands. "good ol' boys" might be my favourite people...or maybe it means something more to me...maybe i'm loading meaning high and deep into a small phrase...do i project like all the time?
hmm...sighing now i guess...it was such a good book though. anybody wanna borrow it?
paul
Thursday, March 02, 2006
blecchharrgghblecccchhhthgarrgghblecch...
i wish i could call in sick on my life today...just stay at home playing video games or reading or laying in a hot bath...sigh...actually i did call in to say i wouldn't be renovating tonight...but still...when even paul stanley and gene simmons can't move me from my funk...maybe i should go shopping...alas i cannot cuz i gotta go to my mindfulness based stress reduction workshop...stupid workshop... actually i'm trying to use it to sort out my actual feelings right now...hmm...tired...yes...angry?...hard to tell, maybe, but what about?...angry about being tired...damn...kinda makes sense in a that's really stupid kinda way...frustrated?...about?...being tired?...sad?...no - one good answer...worried?...well yeah i guess - in job interviews i refer to this as proactive problem-solving...emotionally roller-coastered out?...could be could be - it would make sense cuz i got fired then got interviews for a really good job that i'm not qualified for but they hired me anyway (in case i haven't mentioned it i'll be working alongside adam "uhura" bolduc at crunch...i'll explain the uhura thing in person...) and this is really good news and i'm excited (well not right at this moment i'm not) about it and worried about it (aha! also worried)...and i also got a side job doing renovations for an old school friend (marco mucci) which has been really great...even satisfying to work with the hands...so a bit of emotional rollercoaster...but that sounds more true than it feels...hmmm...can't really pin down the actual feelings of my state i guess...oh well...it made for mildly entertaining prose...
so just in case you missed it - i got that job i was hoping for but not necessarily expecting. i'll be working in post-production at crunch with good ol adam. he's bringing the red bull to go with the jager when i celebrate the end of my vacation.
(you know how you make a boilermaker with a shot glass of scotch in a pint of beer?...try substituting jagermeister for scotch and red bull for the beer...it'll fuck you up kinda...and it's surprisingly tasty...like tahiti treat on steroids...even sarah likes it and you know how she is...about booze i mean...)
in other news...actually i don't have any other news.
hope y'all are well
so just in case you missed it - i got that job i was hoping for but not necessarily expecting. i'll be working in post-production at crunch with good ol adam. he's bringing the red bull to go with the jager when i celebrate the end of my vacation.
(you know how you make a boilermaker with a shot glass of scotch in a pint of beer?...try substituting jagermeister for scotch and red bull for the beer...it'll fuck you up kinda...and it's surprisingly tasty...like tahiti treat on steroids...even sarah likes it and you know how she is...about booze i mean...)
in other news...actually i don't have any other news.
hope y'all are well
Sunday, February 26, 2006
ice cream and interview prep...hayden...thought-full?
sunday night...sarah's watching cold case...i've been practising and writing notes for my job interview tomorrow....bailey's flavour hagen-das goes better with a couple two bite brownies in it if you're wondering...(i've got some experience in the area of ice cream eating)
been sitting in front of the computer listening to lotsa old music i used to like but somehow never owned...like hayden - i even remember most of the words
"go down to the grocery store, meet someone i adore...keep me warm under the sack, share with me my midnight snack"
apparently feeling some kinda...thought-full? nostalgiac? ...not really. nice to just be writing and singing along to all the stuff i love to sing along to though.
got back into the reno/subcontractor business lately too. put in a good day of work yesterday. kinda feeling it today a bit...sore hands, with little nicks and cuts, stiff back...could also be from basketball on friday night. i hit a couple big shots, got out and ran on the fast breaks...felt real good. if only my shooting was more consistent and i didn't make as many turnovers as i've been making lately. sigh.
did anybody else notice that february is pretty much over? wasn't january just last week? can anybody tell me what i've been doing for the last 2 months cuz i'm not sure how it could go by so fast and feel so busy if i haven't done much...
i think i'm over the firing. on with the not having a job.
actually between the renovation work i've got, the interview, and if all else fails the e.i. programs that maybe pay for training or edumacation or figuring out what to be when i grow up...maybe things is pretty good right now.
and i got beers in the fridge.
although i'm basically out of scotch.
but irish whiskey ain't so bad either.
now if only i could put some kiss on my ipod life would be grand...
been sitting in front of the computer listening to lotsa old music i used to like but somehow never owned...like hayden - i even remember most of the words
"go down to the grocery store, meet someone i adore...keep me warm under the sack, share with me my midnight snack"
apparently feeling some kinda...thought-full? nostalgiac? ...not really. nice to just be writing and singing along to all the stuff i love to sing along to though.
got back into the reno/subcontractor business lately too. put in a good day of work yesterday. kinda feeling it today a bit...sore hands, with little nicks and cuts, stiff back...could also be from basketball on friday night. i hit a couple big shots, got out and ran on the fast breaks...felt real good. if only my shooting was more consistent and i didn't make as many turnovers as i've been making lately. sigh.
did anybody else notice that february is pretty much over? wasn't january just last week? can anybody tell me what i've been doing for the last 2 months cuz i'm not sure how it could go by so fast and feel so busy if i haven't done much...
i think i'm over the firing. on with the not having a job.
actually between the renovation work i've got, the interview, and if all else fails the e.i. programs that maybe pay for training or edumacation or figuring out what to be when i grow up...maybe things is pretty good right now.
and i got beers in the fridge.
although i'm basically out of scotch.
but irish whiskey ain't so bad either.
now if only i could put some kiss on my ipod life would be grand...
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