...lazy saturday...at least at the moment...

I just talked to my grandparents on the phone. Both sets of them. ...well actually I talked to my Nan and Grandpa Wehrle, and then I talked to my Grandpa Cardin - he was at the wedding, so you may remeber him if you were there, the older Quebecois guy who was quite taken with Michelle and her Spanish...
They all mean a lot to me, and I'm pretty happy to talk to them whenever I can, but there's something about it that makes me kinda sad too.
Nan and Grandpa live in a home, and their health isn't so good. I worry about them.
Grandpa Cardin still lives on his own, but quite suddenly over the last year or so his health has really gone downhill, and the doctors aren't exactly optimistic in their guesses and predictions. He's kinda lonely too ever since my Grandma passed away about 4 years ago.
I always wish I could do more for them. But they all live in Cambridge, and I can't get there as often as I'd like to. And I can't visit them at all really if I've got a cold since the state of their lungs is an issue.
I feel pretty thankful that I took my Grandpa Wehrle out for a beer one time about 10 years ago, and it meant so much to him, but it was also really important to me. It was a way for the two of us to just spend time together, as guys. I only wish I'd been able to do it again, and again.
I've never really gotten to do the same kinda thing with my Grandpa Cardin, partly cuz he's not as interested in having a beer... But I want to have a night at his place where the guys in the family who can make it get together and play cards, probably cribbage...something like that. I think he'd really enjoy himself and maybe it would open up new relationships - different than just grandparent to grand-kids...
Realizing now that time can pass too quickly, I should set that up sooner than later. Maybe make some phone calls tonight...

...so now i'm in this kinda thoughtfull, slightly melancholy (?), or maybe i should just describe it as thoughtful but not in a really contented way...no if i'm honest i'm a little sad...

...feel like i'm still in my 20's...

i was thinking about stuff while i was walking home from the streetcar stop tonight...and i started thinking about how i absolutely do not feel like i'm in my 30's. i still have no clue what i'm doing with my life kinda thing...but with the aches and the tummy and the slow recovery time of a 30-something...
maybe that's just normal.
normal is stupid.
anybody else feel that way?

anyway...

go raptors...
ummm...i'm so tired all of a sudden...like someone has just used a suck-cut on me without me noticing...will to live totally sucked...or more accurately my will to remain upright is vanishing like ...something that vanishes...a lot...
i had more ideas of things that i wanted to write about earlier. i wish i could remember them now. that'll give me something to do tomorrow at work i guess.

overheard at ikea...

"well then i guess we'll never agree..."
(loudly enough to be easily overheard, in the couch area...the couple were both probably around 40 years old...maybe a bit older...)
for bonus points = was this statement uttered by him...or her...

and no it wasn't me!
(...or sarah...)
...and we waited until it was polite to giggle...
cuz that's never happened to us.

...year in review...

so a week ago, one of my friends sent out his yearly "year in review" type email, where he remembers music and movies and moments from the past year... it's kind of a fun idea. i really like reading his year in review. i've also ben thinking more about my new intentions for the new year...and implementing them...and reflecting...and that kinda stuff...which i haven't done... so i thought i'd take a stab at it (a really superficial stab at it...)
hence, my year in review... in movies, music, moments, and other things that start with "m"...like...too bad books don't start with "m"...

the best of 2006...more or less

best movies - not in order
-the departed - very very good, with a killer cast...
-talladega nights - much more fun than i expected, very silly...
-bond-casino royale - just awesome, and i can't say much about it cuz i don't want to spoil anything
-bon cop, bad cop - canadian at it's heretofore undiscovered best. hilarious. you get a little bit of toronto stereotypes and a little bit of montreal stereotypes.

best music - in no order
-tom waits - orphans
-the boss - the seger sessions
-neko case - the tigers have spoken
-silverhearts - dear stranger
-priestess - hello master

**favourite song that i found this year - stevie wonder doing "we can work it out"

(oh yeah i should have mentioned that these are the best of these things that i've discovered this year, not necessarily that were released...)

best books
-plowing the dark by richard powers
-inconvenient truth by al gore
-tipping point by malcolm gladwell
-toughest indian in the world by sherman alexie
-book of secrets by m g vasanji
-pale horsemen, lords of the north by bernard cornwell
-englishmen's boy, last crossing by guy vanderhaeghe
-all the pretty horses by cormac mccarthy

favourite moments
-adam and michelle got married
-sarah and i got married
-jeff and kendra got married
-gord and shanna got married
(...hmm...sensing a pattern...?)
(aha a non-wedding moment...)
-watching the brazil/france world cup semi-final (quarter-final?) in little italy with mark and corby and nigel
-chris bosh's fade-away, off-the-dribble 3 pointer with 3 seconds left to win the game --adam and jeff and i were at the game, and i hurt my voice

ok that's all i got right now...but i'll keep updating those moments...

looking forward to in 2007
-first anniversary
-release of "the 300" (about the spartans at thermopylae - spelled that from memory - 'you can't win, our arrows will blot out the sun' 'then we will fight in the shade'...oh yeah...)
-gavin and karlene return from china
-realization of our (delayed) honeymoon plans - cuba!!

and here's the lists that inspired my list...although they got better categories then i do...
enjoy.



Favourite films, in reverse order:

10) Talladega Nights - Ricky Bobby
9) Inside Man
8) Brick
7) Last King of Scotland
6) The Descent
5) Notes on a Scandal
4) Children of Men
3) The Devil and Daniel Johnson
2) Why we Fight?
1) The Departed

Honourable Mentions: Borat, Pan's Labyrinth, The Proposition, V for Vendetta, The Poseidon Adventure.

Did not see, but might have affected list: Volver, Half Nelson, Water, Cache, Catch a Fire.

Worst: Hard Candy, Miami Vice.

Best performance (or should I say most enjoyable performance): Mark Wahlberg The Departed and
Judi Dench Notes on a Scandal

Favourite CDs, in reverse order: (only doing a top 5 this year as I was pretty lazy about buying new music)

5) is a tie between Roots- Game Theory and Ghostface Killah - Fishscale
4) Outkast - Idlewild
3) Radiodread
2) Anything by Sufjan but the Xmas boxset is probably my fave between that and Avalanche
1) The Boss - Seeger Sessions

Another year, another list. Every year, at around the same time, I ask myself - why do I do this? And then, I remember - it's a good little exercise, really - a chance to reflect and contextualize on all the high and low points of the preceding 12 months. And in so doing, my perspective changes - movie-wise, for instance, the year seems better on paper than I remember it being, whereas music-wise it's a wee bit disappointng.


Anyway, enough blather. For those who care (and for Sdao), here are my ...


Favourite films, in reverse order:

10) The Road to Guantanamo
9) Hard Candy
8) The Prestige
7) Pan's Labyrinth
6) Borat
5) Children Of Men
4) Little Children
3) Brick
2) Caché
1) The Descent

Honourable Mentions: V for Vendetta, Block Party, The Science of Sleep, The Inside Man, The Departed,
Ineligible, due to screening restrictions: Zidane: A 20th Century Portrait.

Best Performance (Male): Tie - Forrest Whitaker in "Last King of Scotland", Ryan Gosling in "Half Nelson"
Best Performance (Female): Ellen Page, Hard Candy


Did not see, but might have affected list: The Queen, Babel, Fast Food Nation
Did not see, but likely wouldn't have: The Holiday



Worst film: The Wicker Man

-------------------------



Favourite CDs, in reverse order:


10) Thom Yorke - The Eraser
9) Neko Case - Fox Confessor Brings The Flood
8) Lullabye Arkestra - Ampgrave
7)The Roots - Game Theory
6) Ghostface Killah - Fishscale
5) Califone - Roots & Crowns
4) Grizzly Bear - Yellow House
3 ) Sufjan Stevens - The Avalanche
2) TV on The Radio - Return to Cookie Mountain
1) Beirut - Gulag Orkestar

Honourable mentions: Tom Waits - Orphans, Bonnie "Prince" Billy - The Letting Go, Shearwater- Palo Santo
Discovery of the year: eMusic.

-------------------------

Most keenly-felt losses, in reverse order of importance:

10) Last shred of dignity, as I dance on bar of Cobalt wearing a French flag/armband (July 9)
9) Scarf @ Allen's on the Danforth (December 27)
8) Canada's men's hockey team, to Russia, in the Winter Olympics (February 22)
7) One of my favourite shirts, to pesky moths (September 25)

adventures at winners...yesterday

i have a challenge for everyone who shops at winners - see if you can find (in the normal course of your winners shopping) something on the clearance rack with a reduced price that is higher than $570.
that's right $570.
(regular winners price is $1095)
on the clearance rack.

it happens to me everytime i go to winners. i'll be skimming along the clearance racks and see a shirt or a jacket that is well above $200 on sale. maybe a jacket sticks out a bit as looking nice (not flashy nice, just well cut or nicely patterned or a nice material)...or a shirt...so lift up the price tag and all i can do is laugh cuz I'll find out that i have $400 or $500 dollar taste...


that happened 4 times last night.

in other adventures, as i walked in the door i heard a familiar voice say "paul wehrle"...and so i looked up to see jen whiteford walking towards me... ain't that funny? she lives in ottawa and I haven't seen her in a few years but there she was. so we had a nice chat and caught up a little bit. great to see her again. i wish i was also going to the punk-rock bowling championships in vegas...

oh yeah a funny thing from youtube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHzdsFiBbFc

if i was smarter i could make this a hyper-link or somehting. you could just copy and paste it though.

remember the hinterland who's who vignettes?
then you'll appreciate this one. trust me.

pretty good week so far knockonwoodknockonwoodknockonwood

so far this week...2 full days without a panic attack, despite not having a single day without 9 of them in at least hte past month...played basketball...in a new gym close to home with a nice parquet hardwood floor that is full size, or at least big enough for a 5 on 5 game...easy week at work...also managed to not eat any chocolate in the past 4 days.

i'm not sure what to make of 2 days without a panic attack really. I can think of a number of reasons for an increase in frequency, strength and duration in december, but not really any reasons for them to stop. let's see...december...christmas...not so much money...wanting (not needing) to give out more presents than i/we were able to (i just walk around noticing things that i'd love to get for my people or do for them when i'm actually doing somehting else and christmas is usually the time of year when i can indulge that feeling)...family history of december and christmas...spending more time around said family - which is often difficult.... whatever.... anyway, i'm not gonna get excited about 2 days. I think i've gone a week or so before this. as hard as i've tried i haven't been able to identify consistencies or patterns in the hows and whys and whens and wheres of my attacks. it's been kinda nice though. the week or so before this have been particularly bad in terms of frequency, and severity. i had a few attacks that were just kind of a mental/emotional white-out. and then the rest of the day those days was all walking on egg shells and feeling pretty fragile and worried/scared that the next one is about to hit. on one level i know that i'm having an attack even when it's happening. doesn't stop me from experiencing the whiteout of real fear.
hmm...2 days without an attack...the same 2 days i've played video games...coincedence...?

as for basketball, it'll take some time to get used to playing 5 on 5 instead of 4 on 4, and it'll also take some time to get used to the bigger gym... I kept flying down the court and having this wierd feeling of wondering why i wasn't under the basket yet. made me feel slower actually. on the immediately good side - hardwood flooring is nicer to my knees and back than concrete. could be that it'll hurt more to dive for loose balls though...(the hardwood is much less slippery = awesome floor burn...not that i'm afraid...) i hit some big shots too one dagger and one coffin-nail...(defn's -"dagger": the game breaker or game-winner, sometimes ending a good run or comeback by the other team..."coffin-nail": the shot that puts the game out of reach for the other team and takes the heart out of them; as in the expression 'putting the last nail in the coffin') the other fun thing about 5 on 5 is that the spacing can more closely resemble an nba game and you can see how steve nash sets up some of his passes or how and where the ball and his team mates move, and then make the same moves yourself (twice...)
i finished with one highlight reel pass/play and one highlight reel layup coming off a screen and seeing the floor open up a lane that curved into the paint and then taking it and making it.

and work has been pretty light. (in case you hadn't heard there's an actor strike, combined with right after christmas and so i've had some extra time on my hands. trust me there's plenty i could be doing but very little that's on a deadline.

and i should probably continue this another time or something.
hope everyone is well.

tee hee...apparently i'm jolly...

so the receptionist where i work thanked me this morning for always being so jolly...my how the world turns...
although sarah thinks it's only because the receptionist must be cute or otherwise i wouldn't be so jolly. hmm. is there a correlation? admittedly when she said i was jolly i replied that seeing her behind the desk would brighten anybody's day... can i help it if i'm just that suave and gallant?
anyway, this whole jolly thing is kinda fun.

oh yeah...

you should check back to my blog more often...maybe comment...(if you pay attention to ME it'll be helpful...i'll blog more...)

also i did an awesome crossover and flipped up a highlight reel finger roll
...as well as putting on a burst of speed (oh yeah i still got a little something) and
stretching out to put a left handed layup off the glass...

...hmm...i wish i could remember the other thing i was forgetting...

oh well.
yay beer?

...although maybe i should be drinking more hard liquor in terms of the calories...probably i should learn more about healthy foods and stuff...and drink more wine - that's healthy right? (is port healthy too?)

not so much new years resolutions...more like reflections...hopes...wishes...

...home from basketball - the first basketball night of the year and the first in about a month...yes, ouch is a good word. a can of the ol' newkie brown (newcastle brown ale if you don't know) is going very nicely. and i've got thoughts...reflections...hopes...wishes...

like i wanna try to be more consistent, more aware, more committed to my social responsibilities, and making the world a better place...to that end i've started by purchasing "An Inconvenient Truth" (the book) with the idea that even though he's preaching to the converted, maybe it'll have some helpful reminders, maybe some inspirations... and i got another book called "Getting to Maybe" which i'm hoping will provide some help in terms of practical application of my new intention to do more or at least do what i can more consistently. (thanks to sarah's grandma for the gift card to the bookstore.)

and i wanna blog again. regularly. and say smart things...or funny things...maybe both...

and i wanna eat healthier...maybe exercise...(?)...(i hate the cliche...)...see the thing is i didn't wear a belt today...and my pants stayed up...(duh duh duh...)

what else...hmm...maybe i'll tell you about my holidays while i try to think of something good..

so our christmas only ended on friday. what with the visiting on both sides of the family trees...the driving...and the driving... it was all pretty nice actually. there were a couple hellish moments but i can't really talk about it all on the interweb. all the visits were pretty nice though. actually really nice.
ok i got nothin.
actually that's it.
i'm done.
all that christmas...all that visiting...and then today being back at work...which was also fine...ok i'm just a little tired. besides, if i think about my thoughts...reflections...hopes...wishes...think about them some more...maybe talk/write about them...express my feelings...(actually if i express my feelings sarah might even read this blog...when she's not too busy sanding things and repainting the apartment...or at least choosing colours...)
...yeah i'm gonna end on a funny...