don't panic, 42, too late

not such a good day in paul-ville. i woke up this morning...hard to go back to work after a pretty good long weekend...i went in to work...an hour later i had a panic attack. kind of a bad one. stuck with me until not too long ago. although i've been home since before noon. sigh. so this is my body's way of telling me how unhappy i am i guess. stupid body i already knew that. at least now i can look forward to a short week.
might have found a way to not pay a thousand dollars for career counselling - through the Employee Assistance Program hired by Indigo. (totally confidential and all that. no actual indigo employees work there...). i have a phone appointment on tuesday evening. we'll see. in the meantime, i will look into going back to school some more. finish some kinda university degree and all that. in the meantime i will also apply for a promotion at the queensway chapters. (looks like 45 mins by streetcar/bus...not too bad). (michelle and adam get ready to be references again...)
i am almost done '40 words for sorrow'. tomorrow i will borrow a new book from the store. i just have to leave myself enough book to get me through the streetcar ride to work or something. kinda wish there was a good new fantasy novel to read. actually i wish any of a bunch of the authors i normally read would finish their next book, and not start any new series'. or maybe i want some pretty prose. the kind that's quotable, or at least you might fold over the page with the good line if you owned the book. we'll see what i come up with. i'll let you all know. maybe kendra's suggestion fo 'the thin man'...
possible careers that i can't rule out for myself outright-
teaching
journalism - especially basketball
stay at home dad
sound guy(?)
....i dunno...stay at home dad is my favourite for sure, but that sorta requires your other to earn some decent bread, and for there to be a child...
none of those are real dream jobs though. just decent options that i'd hopefully find rewarding and could potentially provide a family living kinda wage. i guess i'm looking for ideas still. i'd appreciate anybody to suggest either new career ideas, or ways to get closer to the ones i've thought of. i dunno. hopefully this career counselling thingy will have some tricks.
i'm no genius but i'm kinda guessing that this trouble sleeping and the panic attacks are related to me not having a sense of self-career-kinda-accomplishment-kinda-worth. so i attack the root of the problem with roto-rooter of my cavernous mind...hmm...roto-rooter of my large head...hmmm...my great huge cranium will block the sun from the weeds' roots...i will endeavour to get at the root of the problem, thereby alleviating the need for any band-aid solutions to the symptoms thereof.
when's the last time anybody used thereof in a sentence?

for those who lost touch, steve nash and the pheonix suns lost game one of the western conference finals on their home court to the san antonio spurs. game two is tonight. again i say 'stupid western time zones'. also shaquille oneal and the miami heat also lost game one to the detroit pistons. we don't like this trend.
i have to go and try to defend feudal japan from some fictional mongol invasions now. so far i'm doing ok, but i've learned that while you can fairly easily defend against mongol cavalry by forcing them to attack you uphill or in a forest or both, you really need cavalry of your own if you are attacking them. (btw - the mongols never actually landed in japan, owing to a bad storm that wrecked their fleet of ships en route. otherwise, who knows? also genghis khan was the first leader to institute the idea of no taxes on medecine, teaching or religion, and to allow freedom of religious expression - there's a really funny story about how he got a priest from the vatican, a buddhist, and an islamic cleric to debate who was right, and they had to keep forming alliances and changing sides to keep each other from winning. i think he was also first with paper money... i read all this in 'genghis khan and the making of the modern world' - pretty good book. basically he either made a place better by stopping capital crimes, or torture, or in the case of europe he made it better by kicking everybody's asses so badly and then leaving that they had to advance out of fear that he'd come back. also he only really got into eastern europe, and decided it was a stupid place - that's why he turned back around.)